Often a time people go into a relationship without having a valid motive for engaging in it. That is why sometimes, people wonder if the union between a man and a woman is a binding obligation that requires fulfillment before death.
To be precise and clear, a relationship is not a do-or-die affair. Because if you look at the occurring events in so many relationships today, you will understand that it’s not always the way each particular one begins that it ends. At the beginning of every relationship, it’s normally rosy as the case might be, but towards the middle, it starts getting hostile. So, you can imagine what might bring it to an end.
One needs to understand clearly what he or she actually wants in a relationship before embarking on it. Again, it is also very vital for one to have a clear and concise definition of what a relationship is all about before trying to engage in it.
There’s this couple who lived together like cat and dog. It wasn’t smooth at all with them. They were always settling disputes now and then. Sometimes one could wonder if they were actually forced to get together as couples.
On a very beautiful morning, I approached the man and asked him why he’s always found of quarreling with his wife.
He said, “my woman is just like that, always picking fights with me at every slightest provocation”.
I asked him again, “Then why did you accept to marry a woman who is like that”.
He replied and said, “I never knew who she was”.
“The way my parents lived like love birds actually convinced me into thinking I can just approach any woman and propose marriage.” “So, I thought every woman is simply like my mother”.
I told him, “that’s not fair for you”. Because now he’s been hunted badly, and to cut the long story short he’s opting for a divorce.
What is your personal view on relationships?
You notice people going into relationships. You watch the way they handle it. Sometimes, you see couples behave like lovebirds even seeing them kiss each other in public places.
You keep watching them maybe they live in your neighborhood. They do things together and never do anything without the other person’s knowledge.
At this instance, you begin to cultivate the hunger for a relationship, while the desire begins to swell in you. Now you want a love affair.
Then, and again you notice some other couples behaving like cat and dog. They are always fighting, complaining about each other’s fault even in public places. Maybe they are your next-door neighbor, and most times you volunteer to settle most of their disputes.
Then, you suddenly remember a former schoolmate who recently filed for a divorce. You remember she told you she is done and over with being in any relationship. She prefers living a single life.
This is the point at which you need to ask yourself, “what exactly do I want in a relationship”. It’s very clear that from the above three scenarios, most people jump into a relationship without having a concise definite motive for it.
Or maybe, because the word relationship existed so they try every means to fulfill that word. Maybe your idea and definition of a relationship are that everybody, “must” have one.
You must have a concrete reason why you are veering into a relationship. Don’t just move in because others are moving in. Don’t just go into it because you just want to have it, and don’t also join because someone pushed you to join.
So, what do you want in a relationship?
Remember, to want is backed by demand.
Do you want a family?
When someone chooses the option of having a family as his or her motive for initiating a relationship, then watch carefully if that motive is not achieved the relationship downsizes. What am I trying to say?
Supposing you just ventured in your mind that you love kids and want to have them, then because you love kids and you can’t produce them alone without intercourse. You decide to get married. If eventually, the relationship did not produce any child, you will definitely become worried. Your anxiety might even cause you infidelity in your relationship since your motive is not achieved.
Do you want money?
Maybe, you feel that money is everything in a relationship. No, it’s not. It can only give you material things, but you will lack spiritual things. And believe it, once the money vanishes you are definitely going to find it difficult to continue with that relationship. Although, money can buy you, children. It may also make your partner cultivate the habit of loving you. But it’s just a relationship backed by material wealth.
Are you simply neutral?
Just like the short story told above, some people may be like that. They don’t really have any motive for starting a relationship. Consequently, they see everybody as an angel. They may not have any fore experience or have witnessed any unwanted or frustrating situations in any relationship.
Maybe, they just want to engage in a relationship because they believe it’s something one must take part in life. If you are simply neutral, then it only means you have no choice, and when you have no choice it means you definitely have to get prepared in accepting anything that comes from the union.
But this isn’t good enough, because it’s like trying to embark on a new project without having a reason for such action. If you become neutral two things are involved, it’s either you become lucky or unfortunate. When you are lucky your partner is a good person. when you are unfortunate your partner is a bad person.
Do you want to answer a name?
Some people go into relationships in others to have the abbreviation Mrs. and Mr. before their names. They are like people in the category above whose motive is neutral. They have no definite reason why they engage in a union.
However, they ignorantly accept anybody that comes their way for a union. Instead of finding time to ask yourself, “what do I want from the other person”? Even if you want to answer a name, also include Love in your wants. Otherwise, when you finally answer that name you won’t have anything in common with your partner.
Do you just want commitment?
You might just want commitment, maybe you feel you are getting advanced in age. So, you simply want to be committed to anybody at all that crosses your way. Not necessarily for love or happiness. Those things can be a secondary motive. But then how well you cope with the relationship is another issue to tackle. Definitely, you don’t love this person
Do you want fame?
If your answer is yes, then it means that your partner will be a celebrity. A renowned identity. Such a relationship doesn’t usually last long. You know celebrities are loved by many people. So, you might just end up getting a divorce and that will happen when your celebrity partner already has made you famous.
So, you don’t need anything from him anymore. Again, you might not even have to cope with the issue of your partner having to love other people besides you.
Do you just want to have the experience?
There are some people who truly and really don’t want anything to do with being together as a couple. But when they hear stories of other people’s love life. Maybe, it wasn’t successful or maybe, it was a success. They will decide to have a glimpse of what being in a relationship is all about.
Not necessarily to have anything to do with it but simply to have the experience and to opt-out sooner. They will quit the relationship and start narrating their own experience. Remember, their initial plan was to have the experience.
Yes, they are many people like this.
Do you want love?
Love is the most beautiful thing in a relationship. Where there is love there is happiness. Consider a situation where your exact motive for engaging in a relationship is because you love your partner. You are really going to do everything to keep the relationship. Love they say is intoxicating, in other words, it sees no wrong, and it bears all things.
A relationship built on love is surely one that will last longer and be stronger. When you hear people say, “till death do us part”, and saying it with concrete assurance. Then you better know that the partners in such a relationship actually want Love.
Even if you have to choose other reasons for wanting to be in a relationship, you must add love, to make it complete. Sometimes you see couples who separated because of one reason or the other. Then one thing leading to the other they decide to come back simply because they can’t bear the pain of separation. It’s love that does it.
So, what are your conclusions now?
I love this very question. “What are my conclusions”? Before you embark on any relationship, decide on what you want. Decide within you if you are actually ready to go through the odds of a relationship. This is because every union has a pleasant side as well as the unpleasant side. It is not going to be smooth all through. But being in a relationship is also very beautiful, depending on the way you handle it according to what you want.
For instance, suppose you want to love. That is, you accepted a relationship because you love your partner. Then you are likely to withstand every odd including the hostile side of it because you want and loved. Your relationship will stand the test of time and will last till the end of time.
But supposing again, you want fame, or you want money in a relationship. Definitely, when you get famous or gets hold of the money you will desire to quit because you already have what you want. But even if you stay it is because you don’t want people to chastise you, or start featuring your name in the media