Can it really be possible to love without expecting anything in return? That is to give out some goodness from you just like that without demanding or hoping to get a payback.
Love without expectation is unconditional love. To love without any string attached. Yes, it can be very possible to give out without having the intention to get something back. It all depends on the type of love.
There are different types of love; therefore, your expectations depend on the one you offer. There is the type of love that demands you to get something in return. While there is another type of love that does not require you to accept anything much more to have expectations.
Among other types of love, Eros Love is one of them, in which an individual is expected to hope for something in return. It is passionate, and pure romantic love, that leads to marriage. In other words, it is regarded for married couples. To love your partner and expects him or her to love you back in return.
Here the couples involve expect a reciprocation of each other’s love, and whereby the love is not reciprocated there is said to be no love between them.
Now, aside from the fact that their love expectation is to love each other in return, they do things for each other, they do it for love’s sake. Their expectations involve strong total commitment,
This type of love involves partners in a relationship. It has many expectations in return so it doesn’t actually include, “love without expectations”.
When he buys you gifts, he expects you to buy him gifts too, but even if you do not have money, you can show appreciation by either kissing or hugging or any form of romantic gesture. All these are because you both are couples.
When he remembers your birthday, he also expects you to remember his birthday and other happy celebrations that may involve both of you.
Again, your partner expects you to share your secrets, worries, feelings, and happiness. Both couples expect to give, take and share so many things in this aspect of love. As they are doing all these, they are not doing it for anything else but for the love, they express towards each other.
Now aside from the Eros love, every other love demands an individual to give freely, selfless with the intention of not receiving any reciprocation in return. The Eros love can also be unconditional but to an extent, because for a relationship to be complete it has to involve reciprocation of love.
Let us drive this message home with this short story of Patrick. He got a retrenchment from his job and is looking for a new job. Even though his present means of income is deprived, he still finds a big space in his heart to share his little daily bread with his next-door neighbor. A foreigner who is also jobless but has nothing to eat at all.
One day his friend Louis asked him why he was doing what he was doing knowing that he has no other means of income. He simply replied, “I don’t know why”. The one who asked the question felt very astonished, and ask again, “how do you mean you don’t know why? How can you be doing something that will bring you misery? How can you be spending your money to feed someone when you know you have no more means of income?
Patrick replied again, “Honestly, I don’t know why I am doing this, but I tell you, I equally feel happy doing it”.
The short story above explains clearly, what love without expectations really means. The story simply outlines five lessons to learn from loving without expectation.
1. Love has no reason
Indeed love has no reason to give for not loving its prey. Patrick replied he does not know why he is feeding someone else, knowing that he is spending the last part of his income. He was not shearing his food with the intention that his neighbor will give something in return.
He was doing what he is doing because within him he felt the pain and the longing to do it. If on the contrary, he decides not to follow his desire of helping the neighbor, his heart might know no peace.
Love has no reason when you love someone unconditionally, and you extend help to the person not minding the person’s flaws and incompetency. You are determined to keep the good work towards the fellow even when others are trying to convince you to see reason.
Yet you choose to eschew those reasons, you might not know why but I tell you it is because you love without expecting anything for an exchange.
However, if you listen to people’s groan and discouragement you will end up expecting something from the person.
2. Love is happiness
Now, still referring to the short story, where Patrick replied to Louis that he doesn’t know why he is doing this but he also felt happy doing what he is doing. Judge within you, if you are doing anything for someone and at the same time feeling genuine happiness. Definitely, you are doing it and feeling happy because you are not expecting anything in return.
It is like someone who set up a charity foundation in other to help people. Let us take, for instance, a scholarship foundation or an orphanage home. They give out these charities for love’s sake, with the intention of no profit-making, just to help the less privileged. They are charity organizations. The only profit is the happiness they derive from helping some set of people who is not opportune to get what is necessary to have in life.
So, if you love genuinely, you will do things for people and expect nothing from them and still be happy while doing it.
3. Love has no fear
Now apart from the Eros love where one is expected to love back his partner in return. If you are loving someone and expecting something in return, in the cause of your expectations you will be nursing some fears within you if actually, the person is ever going to respond. As you are showing kindness you will still be calculating how many times you have shown the person love. If possible, you might even voice it out for other people to know.
Again, from the storyline, Patrick could as well decide not to share his food with his neighbor. He might have the fear that since he has lost his job, it might take a long time to find another one. For this reason, he will manage the limited resource within him.
4. Love is irrational
Unconditional love usually takes irrational decisions. That is why sometimes after taking some decisions towards love and maybe in the long run the step we take turns against ourselves? We do not regret it, and we do not seem to be afraid of taking it again.
This is because we loved freely when we were making that irrational decision. We were not making it and having in mind the intention of getting anything in return. We made it out of love. Love is irrational in the sense that it can do anything out of craziness yet it seems wise in doing.
From the above story again, when Patrick was helping his neighbor, Louis thought Patrick was crazy to help not minding his condition. Patrick on the other hand was doing it absent-minded, not minding the consequence or what might happen tomorrow.
5. Love is sacrifice and Denial
Love without expectation demands a lot of sacrifice and denial too. Sacrifice in the sense that we give out without minding what it takes or the pain that involves. Then again, it demands a lot of denial in the sense that we give out without minding if we have any other one left for ourselves. We give out without minding the consequences that will result from what we are doing.
We do not seem to take into consideration certain things like; if there is ever going to be any gain from what I am doing.
6. Love knows no discrimination
Genuine love without expectation demands that you give out, do things for people without considering who the person is. You do it without asking if the benefactor is your siblings, parents, or in any way related to you.
You will go ahead and do it irrespective of the person’s color, culture, background, country. You wouldn’t mind if the fellow is a stranger or a fellow citizen. You do it with deep fulfillment in you. You have love without expectation.
Irrespective of the fact that Patrick’s neighbor is a foreigner. Yet Patrick extended love to him freely with a pure motive of selfless service.
This is all the lesson to learn about, “Love Without Expectation”.