In marriage, couples’ respective families are one good thing that promotes respect in their union because it upholds a sense of belonging. The different families of both couples deserve a very high level of respect. For this reason, each couple should learn to handle their respective in-laws accordingly.
Who are your partner’s family members?
Before marriage, your parents and siblings are your immediate family members. If you include your parent’s siblings and their children, they automatically become your extended family members. So, you see you have a large group of people representing your family members. So long the most important word, “family” is visible.
Now, when you turn this definition around you equally arrive at the answer of whom you consider as your partner’s family members. They are just the direct opposite of your own family; the only dissimilarity is the difference in the DNA.
You now have a clear definition of who both couples’ family members are. Therefore; the idea of how to handle them should not be farfetched. The knowledge and experience of your immediate relationship are enough to guide you on how to relate properly with your in-laws.
Can your partner’s family members be toxic?
I think it all bores down on relationships, how well you relate with them can ignite the toxins. When they act in an unpleasant manner, such as: making offensive rude statements. Become arrogant, selfish, and respond negatively in a way that shows awkwardness in character. They always pick fights and conflicts, flare up at the slightest annoyance. They are toxic.
In some cases, the spouse to the man may become selfish as to deprive her husband’s family members of some privileges from their son. This is not right at all, for the woman to acknowledge only the husband as the only person that matters to her.
It is equally not right that she pays less interest to other members of the family. Simply because she receives one form of ill-treatment or the other from them, she immediately turns them to her rivals. She no longer speaks to any of her partner’s family members. No longer acknowledges their presence, but despises them. She views them as having toxic behaviors and character. Then there is every tendency for her to understand that her husband’s families are humans and they are liable to make mistakes.
There are some marriages where the woman has the upper hand and is in control of everything happening in the relationship. It becomes very difficult for her partner’s family members to rely on their son. In such a situation, they would have no other choice than to dance to the tune of her music. This is not encouraging either.
We have just talked about the woman’s situation regarding her husband’s family members. So then, what about the man?
Every partner has flaws and has toxic stigma too. The case with most men bore down on financial issues. There are some situations where his immediate in-laws appear always demanding for financial aid, such that they become so irritating to him. These attitudes of theirs bring him to regard them as toxic in-laws. This is not right too. There are many ways to handle the wrong behaviors and characters of your partner’s family members.
Do not judge their attitude
In as much as everyone has faults, you can likewise ask yourself if you meet the goal of perfection. Are you sure your characters and manners are so pleasing to the view and thought of others? Keep asking yourself, if you have not done anything wrong that makes your in-laws have negative manners towards you. If you can excel in answering all these questions, then keep being your best but do not judge their attitude.
It is normal for every human being to behave indifferently, although not all the time, and it has been so because you can never, please people. Your partner’s family members may have ill feelings towards you and are never appreciative of whatever you do. Maybe they do not just like you but it does not give you a reason to pay them back in their coin.
Remember two wrongs cannot make a right and again, two captains cannot sail on the same ship. There is an experience I had with a mother of two. who keeps complaining to me about her mother-in-law? one day she said to me
“I don’t know how to deal with this woman. She is never happy with anything I do, always complains about me to her son. She is irritating me with her manners she is simply annoying.”
She has just given me a bit of her side of the issue. Then she has not made any move to find out the reason for such negative reactions from her partner’s mother. For instance, she needs to ask herself these questions, “Why is she not happy with me?”
Does she not want me to be with her son?
Am I depriving her son’s attention?
It might be an issue of ineffective communication or maybe you never treat her like your own very mother. Something must have ignited her negative reactions towards you.
So, you see the reason why you do not need to judge her. The solution now is for you to keep showing her positive reactions. Ignore her manners and start treating her like you would do to your mother. You will see some changes from her someday.
Set distance with constant communication
It is very common to see couples who do not communicate with their respective in-laws. They feel the best solution to stop receiving toxic treatment from them is to live apart. This is not an issue; many couples do practice it for some best reasons but it is not bad anyway. You can live apart, either far away or within reach. It is a good thing if you can do it to avoid receiving ill-treatment from either of the partner’s family members.
However, note that if you are setting boundaries, you need do it with regular communications, give them your maximum cooperation. There are many situations where a man disengages with his parents and siblings the very moment, he takes a marital vow. From that very day, he no longer does things in common with them. He views them as a family entirely different from his own.
Do not stop getting in touch with your partner’s family members. Continue to support them where necessary but simply avoid anything that will bring you in contact with those acts that may irritate you.
Become more mature instantly
In dealing with your partner’s toxic family members, you need to handle things more civilly; you need to apply wisdom and understanding. One such civil way is by prayers too. Devote some sacred time for your partner’s family. Although this can be very trying especially if you see them as your rival, make a dialogue within you.
Yes, they do not regard you for anything but keep showing annoying behaviors towards you. You do not need to revisit their behaviors but rather wish for their repentance. A few words of intercessory prayers can do a whole lot of transformation in their character and behaviors. It can also help to clear the grudges you might have towards them and become freer at heart.