To assume things in a relationship is a dangerous threat that can kill or destroy the love between couples. It doesn’t have to be you all the time. Rather than suspiciously observing your partner or keeping track, and check about every movement the person makes. You should surround your mind with positive thoughts towards him or her.
How can you conclude or be judgmental about something you aren’t very sure about simply because you suspected it must be that way? Funny enough you feel confident and very convinced that it had happened the exact way you thought it. While in the actual sense what you think or conceive in your mind isn’t anywhere near the truth.
Now, how do you see this? Frank and Julia were couples and normally does most things together. One morning Julia woke up and made straight to the convenience. While using the toilet, she was all together singing some gospel lyrics.
Frank was awakened by the gospel lyrics Julia was humming as she was using the convenience. Frank heard the music all the way from his slumber. So immediately he opened his both eyes, he quickly concluded that Julia has done the morning devotion. Which was usually done by both of them every morning before proceeding to their various morning schedules. So, having this impression in mind he thought to himself, “but why dint she wake me up as usual”? Then all at once shouted from the room at the top of his voice. “Julia you are such an in-great for doing the morning devotions alone”.
Now looking at the scenario, Frank would have rather confronted Julia quietly to clarify his thought. But he assumed that Julia had made the prayers alone, and at the same time leach out abusive words. “Julia you are such an in-great”. Although, he later regretted his words when Julia, hearing those words quietly went back to meet frank and explained to him. “I was purposely singing those hymns to wake you up for our usual morning devotion, I have not done any prayers yet.
Now you can see the way frank quickly made conclusions without investigation. Looking at the storyline. First, if Frank had slowly walked to the convenience to inquire from Julia, or told her “Let’s go for the morning devotion, he would have avoided the insult.
Secondly, if frank has remembered the fact that both of them usually make the devotions together, he wouldn’t have reasoned that Julia had made it without him. Thirdly, while he assumed that Julia made the devotion without him, he would have quietly made his part of the prayer. Then, he wouldn’t have created a problem that doesn’t exist by throwing insults.
There are times in a relationship when couples tend to assume the worse of each other and this can destroy the love they cherish together. Although, sometimes it may show some level of concern for the other person it’s mostly not healthy, not advisable at all.
Below are steps to take to help you not to assume the worse of your partner.
1. Change your mindset
When thoughts that make you start suspecting that your partner is doing the exact thing you thought of him, or her creeps into your mind. Make a bold step towards challenging that very negative thought and divert it to a positive one. If possible, confess it while alone that he or she is not acting the wrong way. Make yourself believe it’s not possible because you have no evidence yet to prove it. Don’t make room for suspicions but rather crave to take things slowly and then make some findings to get the truth.
2. Don’t overreact
Don’t react the way Frank reacted in the story by shouting out an insult to his partner. Now if Julia, on the contrary, happened to be a woman with a hot temper, she would flair back at him. And immediately an argument would hit up over a simple matter. When you see your partner behaving the other way, take time and study the situation. Then calmly confront the person rather than reactions based on assumptions.
3. Stop thinking too much
Having too many thoughts in your mind can also give room for assumptions in a relationship. Your thoughts should be centered mostly on how to keep the love alive and flowing. For example, ask yourself what food can I cook for both of us this weekend? Where can we go on a date? what movies can we watch together this night. Read books and magazines related to making your love with your partner a success. All these will make you think positively about him.
4. Don’t be over possessive
This is like being selfish, and being in control of your partner. You want him or her to do things your way and when it’s not done your way, you start assuming the negative. But it shouldn’t be that way. Live your life and try to understand the way your partner lives his or her own life. Give advice and help where you think it’s lacking or needed. But don’t try to assume you can make your partner become what you wrongly think.
5. Make your partner feel at ease
This simply means being more friendly and intimate with your partner. You can do this by always cracking jokes, be humorous, ask each other what your needs are. By doing this way you can choose to bring up those things you are assuming as a joke and present it like something less serious. Then, playfully, you will get to understand the real truth of what you thought is real.
6. Educate yourself
Maybe, you realize you normally assume the worse of your partner and invariably you are trying your best to stop it. But still finds out you can’t help it. This is what you should do; Read books about relationship improvement. Watch movies relating to relationship goals, reflect on those things you watched and read, and put them to practice. Seek counseling from an expert it will help bring your mind and soul together and also help you gain more experience.
7. Don’t visit the past
When you are always bringing back the past mistakes and misdeeds of your partner that happened some time ago. You are likely to assume he or she is still doing those things, and that is how you also assume other things your partner might not be doing.